Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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