I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
