Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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