i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
