My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
