I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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