And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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