I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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