so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
