Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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