god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
