My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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