I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
