The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
should my penis look like a turkey
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
