Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
