420 ftw
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
