I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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