I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
