so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
