I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
