My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
