i may or may not be watching the land before time
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
