You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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