dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
