There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
