You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
