Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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