just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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