ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
