Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
