Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
