Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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