The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
