and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
