At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
