He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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