She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
