he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Come on in and take your pants off
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