i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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