I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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