I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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