so explain again why im purple
no
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
