I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
