I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
