just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
