the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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