whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
