Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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