Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
