I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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