i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
