you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
