My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
