I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
