hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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