Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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