I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
