Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
