Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
