Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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