Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
