I think I am morally bankrupt
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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