im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
