I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
