Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
