so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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