Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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