I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
