My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
