Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this will be a night to untag.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
