I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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