If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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