I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
