Welp...herpes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
