We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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