dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
