You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
