You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
